The hardest lesson I ever had to learn

What do you value most? Your job, your car, your house. Maybe your values go much deeper, you would say your family, your kids, your health, your spouse. Those things are good and it would only seem right to place a high value on them, but we would be wrong in doing so. For years I placed great value in my wife and my relationship with her. I pretty much worshiped her, held her up on a peddle stool in my eyes. I remember I used to tell her that if she snapped at me in the morning I was crushed and useless for the rest of the day. It was true and I thought it was a good thing that I placed so much importance on her. I found my identity in her, my self worth (value), because I valued her so much. Do you know what I’m talking about? Of course you do.

What if you lost what you valued most? Would it destroy you, crush you? It almost did for me, until I learned the hardest truth I ever had to face. The values that I had were all misplaced. My marriage, it would be gone one day, in death at the very least. My kids, on loan from God entrusted into my care. My house, my car, my money, my job, my time…it is all His from the beginning. I simply had to admit that truth to myself. It isn’t mine, it is all His.

My identity was misplaced as well because of my flawed value system. Bluntly honest, I found my worth in her, in my job, in being a father, a friend etc. Because of this I was in bondage to this identity and value system. When things fell apart Satan exploited it to cause me great pain and agony. To keep me in fear and panic, to spend a lot of time asking “what if” questions regarding the past, present and future. When something threatened my “values” my world came crashing down and I couldn’t even function sometimes, the pain and anxiety was paralyzing. Can you relate?

So what changed? Beginning to understand that it all truly belongs to the Lord and that my value, self worth and identity should come from Him alone. Again, in all honesty, that was a bitter pill to swallow at first, but it soon became the most liberating fact of my life outside of salvation. As I rebuilt my identity squarely on my life in Christ, creating a value system solidly on valuing the things of God’s heart, on pleasing Him and living in His will for my life; Satan suddenly lost all power over me. His strongholds in me were torn down and the chains that weighed me down were broken and stripped away!

Now I have a new identity in Christ, He is my value and I have much value in Him. So as the storms rage around me I do not fear, I do not fret. There is no pain or anxiety and there is no sorrow; only joy and peace. I worship Him alone, to Him all my praise and adoration is given.

My wife may never come home, but I will rejoice in the Lord still. More calamities may come my way, but they will not injure me or cause me to stumble. “There is no fear in (His) love. But perfect love drives out fear...” 1 John 4:18 Please don’t misunderstand me. I love my wife dearly, more than she will ever understand. I would love nothing more than for her to come home, but it does not define me, the marriage is not what I live for anymore, it is not my purpose.

Satan can no longer exploit those values for pain because the value is not there to be exploited. Also, I’m not saying they are of no value, but in comparison to His glory, they are mere shrinking shadows of what they were previously.

This also allows us to live out 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 with greater ease and clarity. If our value was perfectly in Him alone then it would be impossible to threaten our values, which means that jealousy, envy, pride, selfishness, etc. could not exist. Take a look for yourself: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love never fails.” For example, if we value His love instead of the love from others, what is there to be demanding of?

Like I said, the hardest lesson I ever had to learn, but also the most liberating and instantaneous in its effects on me. This is the freedom we have in Jesus Christ. I fully believe this is the beginning of understanding that has the potential to free you from all kinds of grief and medication.  It will also make for better relationships, better marriages and release us to live the way we were designed to live.

So what is it that you value? Where is your identity found? Is any of it misplaced, holding you back from an abundant life?

Here’s to freedom!
Brian

Today’s song

This may throw some of you completely off, but I think it is interesting how secular music has some great worship lyrics sometimes. They just miss out on who the object of our praise, worship, adoration and affection should go to. Here is a perfect example.



Halo by Beyonce

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Surrender and exposing the lies

So how is life? Are you tired of the rut? Is it just a series of events?  Christian or not, do you ever wander if this is as good as it gets? If you are feeling this way you should know there is another path, an infinitely more amazing path.  I know that I give you glimpses into my life through this blog.  If I wrote everything down, every encounter, every story...you would not believe me and probably think I was out of my mind!  For that matter, I have no desire to boast except to say how AWESOME our God really is.

I can honestly tell you that my daily life is FULL of ADVENTURE, packed with PURPOSE and MEANING and any movie script or novel pales in comparison at this point. Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who He is and what He accomplishes through people like you and me.  Do you crave adventure?  Do you desire purpose, meaning and deep relationship? Of coarse you do, we were designed by God for it!

Starting in December, I am going to teach a Sunday school class at Kingsway on everything that I have come to understand, the things that have brought me to this place.  I want to see EVERYONE out of bondage and living a daily miracle filled life! Yes, it does exist!!!  If you are hurting, emotionally scarred, trapped, depressed, full of anxiety, feeling empty, addicted, afflicted, stuck in coping through life, haven’t figured it all out, stressed, tired, lonely, broken, messed up, want more of life...come.  If you think you have it all figured out (I haven’t), don’t bother, He can’t help you right now.

You have to be in the place where you are willing to SURRENDER. Say I quit, I give up.  I can’t do it my way anymore, my way stinks.  I give it ALL to you Lord!  You have to really want it.  I admit that I am a failure on my own accord.  I screw it up every time I do it MY WAY.  Now that I’ve given up and surrendered, let’s do it your way.  I give you my schedule, my preferences, my time, my talent, my money, my job, my spouse, my kids, my problems, my pains, my everything...my life.  It belongs to you.  It was really yours to begin with, but I’m just now admitting that. I am finally broken of my selfishness, now please Lord, build me into what you wanted me to be.

The question now is, how do I go forward?  I don’t even know what that looks like.  I’ve been doing it my way for so long.  Me too.  We are going to build on surrender in class.  He is going to show you the path, in practical application, of how to live life in full surrender and bring you to a place of joy, peace, adventure and purpose like you never thought possible.

Why didn’t you think it was possible?  Because there is a liar among us.  He is the father of lies and he steals away God’s truth in our hearts and replaces it will lies and half truths.  Satan has been busy lying to you and me, keeping you away from the life God desires and you desire.  He tells you, promises you that you can fill up that pain, that emptiness through stuff, movies, relationships, whatever.  The truth is it just makes it worse.  He is a liar!  Even now you have probably thought that what you are reading can’t be had for you, or “Brian’s really stretching it this time, I don’t deserve what Brian is talking about, my life is ok the way it is, I have time to fix my life later.” I don’t know what he said to you, but he is LYING TO YOU. STOP LISTENING and call him what he is, a liar!

He feeds me lies everyday.  Who are you Brian, to be helping people?  Who are you to write a blog on such subjects?  Who are you to teach Sunday school?  People will turn on you for writing such pointed stuff.  I will tell you who I am, nothing, but Satan...you are missing the point with your lies.  HE, JESUS, my savior is EVERYTHING.  Through HIM alone I can accomplish such things, be empowered to speak the truth, be bold for Him and expose your lies Satan.  You have lost this battle!  YOU LOOSE now go away, flee from me!

Tell Satan you are aware now of his lies he tells you.  You know what they are.  You know what he says to you.  You are not good enough.  Lie! You have to fix your own life, before getting right with God. Lie!  You’ve done too much wrong, too much damage and there is no going back. Lie! Lie! Lie!  You are not someone who can make a difference. Lie!  Your problems are too big to be dealt with.  Lie!  Everything is hopeless. LIE!!!  You don’t have time for church or Sunday school. Lie!  That you are going to "find happiness" by some other means than God Himself.  What a HUGE lie!!! What crap is he feeding you?  Think about it, identify it, then tell him he’s been busted!  You’ve caught a thief stealing away your life.  NO MORE!

He will give you a million reasons why NOT to come to Sunday school.  Why to even stop reading this blog.  He is squirming in his seat, desperate and will do anything to pull you back into the box where you are controlled, managed. If you aren’t struggling with Satan at all it’s probably because you gave up; you are defeated.  He doesn’t need to bother you.  You have been disabled and taken out of the fight.  WAKE UP CHRISTIAN!!! Know who your enemy is.  Know that he is real, know that he wants to destroy you, your family, your friends, your marriage...everything!

What will you do now?  Satan has no power over you.  What are you waiting for? Take him head on and tell him exactly where to go, back to hell!  Fight for your life in Christ!  Break free from any bondage that his lies have caused, the lies that weigh you down.  This is one HUGE step towards your complete freedom in Christ.  His burden is light for you, I know. I rarely talk about my personal storms directly because they are just noise. It is ALL in His hands and when we focus on him and cast aside the liar everything else fades away.

Will you join me?

I love you more than you know, but He loves you so much more than you can understand!

Brian

P.S. If you can't get to class because you live outside of Indy or whatever, then I will send you a book, but it is only half of the equation for what we will be learning.  Send me an email with your name and address at wheelergroup@gmail.com and I will mail it to you.  If you are coming to class, don't worry, you will have a copy of the book too! :)

P.P.S. If this is your first time on the blog take a look at past entries.  It will shine some light on what's going on.

P.P.P.S. My next post will be on how God is moving through people right now in Avon, Indiana.  Check out our newly established Charity caring for Orphans/Foster kids, families and single moms at dynamisministries.org We are also connected to a sister organization that focuses on broken marriages at riseofthehome.com If you need help, this is the place to start.

"Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)"


Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

The words you may not want to hear

They say that philosophy teaches us and confronts us with what we already know. It brings subconscious knowledge to the conscious level. “Self knowledge is like a lost innocence, however unsettling, it can never be un-thought or unknown.” Michael Sandel, Professor at Harvard University. Simply put, once we become aware of the truths that are deep inside us, in our moral compass given by God, we are confronted with the truth at a conscious level. We can’t go back, once we know, we know. This is my warning to you today before we proceed. If you choose to read on there is no going back. It will force you to confront some difficult truths.

What goes into a decision or choices we make? There are different internal forces that pull at us aren’t there?

Emotions
In one corner we have our emotions: anger, sadness, happiness, excitement, etc. How well do our emotions serve us? When we are angry, for example, and we allow our anger to direct our actions…do we feel good about those actions when we self judge ourselves after the fact? If we were honest we’d have to say usually not.

What about when something “forbidden” comes along and it makes us feel so good, it makes us happy…are our emotions leading us in the right direction? The Bible tells us that “The human heart is most deceitful and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I know! I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives.” Jeremiah 17:9 NLT

How many times have we heard or said something along these lines:

“If it makes you happy (or insert feel good)”
“Go and find happiness”
“I feel at peace with my decision”
“I feel like it is the right thing to do if…(or it’s best if...)”

These common statements seem to indicate that if we simply follow our emotions we are in good shape, but the Bible indicates otherwise. “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.” Galatians 5:16 NASB Where you read the word “flesh” you can plug in the words “desires” or “human nature”…i.e. emotions, feelings or wantings. There are times when it might feel really right and still be so really wrong. Where does that come from? “…even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light” 2 Corinthians 11:14 NASB He is the greatest deceiver is he not?

Logic & common knowledge
So if our emotions tend to lead us down the wrong path, then what? Logic, common knowledge…that must be the answer! Statistics are easy to get or hear from someone as to what happens in most circumstances, how people react or feel about any situation; the final outcome. The stats are supposed to indicate “normal” or “common” behaviors in our society; what most people do. They tell us what to expect and therefore we should act accordingly.

This goes right along with “just part of life” arguments that should go down like a spoon full of medicine that makes it all o.k. Have you heard this one, “it’s only natural to…” Fill in the blank. The word natural comes from the word nature, remember, meaning flesh. (see above) Chalk one statement of common knowledge up to being derived directly from our emotions. Brilliant. This is where our logic stems from.

There is a double standard for us adults isn’t there? We tell it to our children like this, “Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t make it right” or “if everyone jumps off a bridge does that mean you should?” Perhaps this is one of the reasons Jesus tells us to be like children. We’re just too grown up for our own good; can’t even make out simple black and white truth. We try to complicate it, justify our ways and make it NOT apply to us somehow.

So where does this leave us then? What is left to help us make good, intelligible decisions that are in our best interest? The kind of decisions that see past our own short sightedness; the tough ones that are good for us in the long run. Turn not to our emotions or our faulty logic, turn instead to spiritual truth. It is timeless, perfect in all matters of the heart, unfailing to steer us in the right direction AND it always has our best interest in mind.

Spiritual Truth
The more we read and learn spiritual truth from the Bible, the easier it is to apply in our lives cutting through the clutter of opinion, emotion and dangerous statistics that are only heading us toward the cliff. I’m frankly tired of being told the “odds” of things going a certain way or how things “most likely” turn out usually so as to influence my decisions and behavior. Listening to such nonsense only leads to my own destruction. Destruction of hope, destruction of my faith, destruction of my resolve in Christ and in character, destruction of ministry, destruction of opportunities to let God show me His plan and watch it carried out. That is a lot of bad stuff! I feel sorry for the ones who speak in such terms because I know they have already been defeated, surrendered, given up.

I have yet to run into a scenario that I can’t find an answer to in scripture and I don’t expect I will.  It was right in front of me all along! All my life I’ve been told that the Bible is an “instruction” manual for life, but just like any manual for a complex project to assemble; it’s no good, useless actually, if we don’t read it and the result is a messed up, half way assembled something or other. In this case our very lives; mine, yours and all the people we love. So I stopped trying to “assemble” (read-solve problems, find answers, make important decisions) on my own and started to dig in. The results are staggering!

The Harmony of the three
Emotions and logic do serve good purposes. Emotions, for example, are a good early warning system in danger and troubles just for starters. There are also times when the Bible says we can have “righteous anger.” Logic and common knowledge help us to use our God given brains. All of these come from God to work in harmony together. The problem arises when our emotions and knowledge are void of spiritual and scriptural guidance as the foundation for their employment.

Now we have brought to the conscious level what may have been suppressed or hidden in our hearts. I remember that day for myself. A little unsettling isn’t it, to face such stark truth? The question is what to do with it. When we self judge ourselves for our decisions, made in full understanding of the truth, what will our judgment be? You’re in the driver’s seat. Hopefully the answer is that we make better decisions rooted in spiritual truth, which will yield great things for us in our lives. It is a breath of fresh air to refocus our compass and head straight for the narrow gate.

Just for you

I am aware there are people reading this blog who are in a similar situation to my own and there will be more who will come. Your spouse has left or perhaps you are the one who left. You feel lost and confused, hurt deeply and you don’t know how to go on or what is to come. This entry is for you. There is hope. Some of you who have found your way here are hurting from some other injury or trial in your life. There is peace, comfort, forgiveness and rest for you.

God wants to take you on a journey to draw you close to him. This is my experience. You can see it in my words, start at the beginning. It was all about me and my troubles. Somewhere along the road God transformed my heart and made it all about him. You may not even understand this from where you sit now, but he can and will bring you to this place as well, if you let him. This is a place of overwhelming peace and joy regardless of the storm. I hope I may be able to help guide you in some way, to encourage you, to be a resource. Let’s start by getting you on solid ground.

You have a decision to make. Will you choose to love (or continue to love) or will you not? This decision, I believe, is paramount to your future. Yes, the Bible says there are a few exceptions when divorce is acceptable, but Jesus had something to say about that. In Mark chapter 10 the Pharisees where testing Jesus and said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” Jesus replied, “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote this law, but at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Then we could refer to 1st Corinthians chapter 13 on how we are to love (a passage I cling to daily.) I recommend reading the whole chapter, but verse seven sums it up nicely. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. The choice is yours to make, but I think it’s pretty clear the path that God honors.

Dear friend I am presuming one thing first, that you know Jesus as your savior. If you do not, this is where you start. You must desire a relationship with him; make him the Lord of your life. After that, we are working to deepen our relationship with him and understand his truth. Many will claim to know his name; few will have him written on their hearts.

Now you must decide to commune with him. Spend time in his word, in prayer and in worship. This is an area that I am now painfully aware that I was lacking in for a long time. You have today, the past is the past and God tells us not to worry about tomorrow. Pick up your bible, it may seem silly at first, but pick it up daily. Perhaps even multiple times a day; make relationship with him your top concern over all else. If you are already familiar with the gospel accounts of Jesus I highly recommend you start with the book of James in the New Testament and keep working your way forward. If not start with Matthew, come to know your savior for who he is.

Next, stay in his will, follow his direction; stay pure. When you are in darkness, you can not also be in the light at the same time. If you are struggling to draw close to him, ask yourself where you are selfish in your life, where you willingly sin and continue to. Stop and turn from the sin, repent of it, ask for forgiveness. You will find further help on this subject in another entry of this blog as you read through it.

Find ways to keep your focus on him throughout your day. I find and listen to a lot of Christian music all day to be in constant worship and keep his message and truth close to my heart. I not only read the Bible, but I read several other books on marriage, separation, divorce, love and other subject that help me to understand how God wants me to live. I will post my favorite reads at the bottom of this post for your reference.

Be careful and mindful of what you let into your heart through your eyes and ears. What you take in becomes you over time. For me that meant turning away from certain movies that I wanted to watch or some secular music that did not have a wholesome message. That may seem over the top to you now, but you will find this to be another truth directly from the Bible. You can choose your way with all of its self serving purposes or you can choose the way to an abundant life that Jesus laid out for us. You see, he ALWAYS has our best interest at heart. The Bible is not meant to weigh us down it brings about true freedom!

Pray, talk with God constantly. Tell him your thoughts, hurts, feelings, fears…cry out to him and ask of him what you need. He understands completely and wants healing for you to a level that you can’t even comprehend at the moment. If you seek, you will find him. He loves you more than you can ever imagine. You are his precious creation. Let him repair you from what may seem to be a shattered life and make you whole again.

Finally, there will be many opinions and people who offer you advice. Most of them will be full of anger behind their words, full of revenge or judgement. If you choose love, you will stand alone at times. It is not a popular path, not even an accepted path by many I am sorry to say. So in the midst of your storm you will also face great adversity from the naysayers who may even have good intentions. You must persevere!

Rely on his strength to get you through and not your own. Listen to his voice and shut out those that would extinguish your hope. Seek out those who will support you whole heartedly in your cause. Do not give up and try to see the bigger picture! Live out 1st Corinthians 13 with everything in you and everything from the Lord! I hope the words that were written on this blog bring you encouragement and understanding.

My heart aches with you, yet I rejoice for what he has in store for you!
Jesus is very fond of you and so am I,
Brian

Favorite Christian Music Groups
Hillsong (lots and lots of Hillsong!)
Mercy Me
Casting Crowns
Chris Tomlin
(Most of the songs that speak to my heart are posted after a blog entry)

Non-fiction Books
Hope for the Separated – Dr. Gary Chapman (my favorite)
How to Save Your Marriage Alone – Ed Wheat (short read and VERY useful)
Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved – Joe & Michelle Williams
From Anger to Intimacy – Dr. Gary Smalley
I Do, Again – Cheryl & Jeff Scruggs (incredible true story)
The Love Dare – Kendrick
The Five Love Languages – Gary Chapman
Brave Hearts – Sharon Hersh

Fiction books with great spiritual messages
The Shack – WM. Paul Young (One of my favorites of all times, a MUST read)
The Ultimate Gift – Jim Stovall
The Ultimate Life – Jim Stovall
Showdown – Ted Dekker
The Saint- Ted Dekker

Movies
Joshua
Amazing Grace
End of the Spear