Post counseling session - May 12,2009 9pm

Dear friends and family,

Counseling went as expected. Jessica is still resolute in her desire to leave. Thank you for your prayers and to those of you who fasted. They carried me through. Knowing where Jessica is spiritually, I don't think anyone can reason or plead with her without pushing her away further. We need to let her take the path she has chosen and live with it. I do think that if you live near us and you find it appropriate, make attempts (multiple and without giving up) to reach out to her and fill up her time with Christian love so she doesn't fill the vacuum with other things and bad influences. She also needs to reminded of the love we have shared over the years.

The counselor says Jessica is in what is called “negative sentiment override” meaning no matter how much good is between us or moments of happiness they are overridden by a negative outlook overall and everything is viewed from that lens, including our shared history of love and happy times. For her, history has been rewritten in her mind to believe that everything in the past nine years was negative and dismal. You and I know this NOT to be true as evident by the recent photo album I posted on Facebook to combat her efforts to erase me. So feel free to take a look at the pics and post your own comments for her to view one day. A couple of people have already reminded me of loving moments Jess and I have shared over the years. I think this would be a good “passive” way to share in building her back up.

Right now the burden of this sin, the consequences it may bring and with the worst probably still yet to come weighs on my heart. Thank you for the kind words you have written me, the encouragement you have provided and the support and love from you all. With God's direction and love we will persevere with a lot of help from my family I call the Church.

In Christ,

Brian

P.S. If you happen to have pics of Jess and I from any time period that you can add to my collection I would be delighted! I have yet to find the digital archives of our early days. :(

P.P.S. Not to get your or my hopes up prematurely, stir up a hornets nest or anything, but tonight she pressed forward wanting a kiss on the cheek and a hug. I don't know what that means nor will I try to read into it, but it felt for a spit second like a mountain moved. Was that God stirring her heart for my affection or her just wanting me to stay on the leash? I don't know.