My weakness

The storms rolled in today and seemingly into my heart. It's just amazing how, after all that I have witnessed, His goodness and miraculous ways, that I can STILL be so weak in the flesh! I read about Job and think, wow, this guy lost everything and here I am starting into my complaining over much less. The Lord said to Satan for a second time "Have you considered my servant Job?" At this moment I'm thinking, Lord, please consider me no longer! I am so selfish and weak! I just want my wife back in my arms.

All that seems to cloud my mind, is how can be I strong, and how do I move on? You ask me to let her go into your care, to be still, as you work in her! How I struggle with this, I wrestle with it. How long must I wait? How long Lord? I want to be like Hosea and wait patiently for your calling to restore my wife, YET I DO NOT WANT TO WAIT!!!

I think of the passage in Romans where Paul says "I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate.” I see how majestic your ways are, how awesome your timing is, how beautiful are the encounters you have put in my path. Yet I ask for this "burden" to be taken from me?! I am like Elijah, who after following your commands (calling down fire from heaven mind you!) fled in fear and cried out “I have had enough Lord!” I have SEEN your ways, yet I am impatient, saddened to not be with her; my bride that I love so dearly.

Father, forgive my weakness. Bring me peace once again, resolved to your will. Hide me in your pavilion, give me rest. I run, I fall into the arms of my Father, into a love like no other. I walk, I crawl; it doesn't matter how I get here, only that I can be here at all.

Scripture References:
1 Kings 18 - 19
Job 2:3-10
Hosea 3:1
Romans 7:14-20


Today’s song: I Run by Forty Days

I've never had a day like this,
when things become so clear & I can feel you here

I've never had to pray like this;
it's all that I can do to see me through the fear

But when my faith begins to fail me,
and I can't find my way

I run, I fall into the arms of my Father,
into a Love like no other

I walk, I crawl; it doesn't matter how I get here only that I can be here at all

All that seems to cloud my mind,
is how can be I strong, and how do I move on

But I know You will never fail me,
You will be my way

(CHORUS)

I will call upon You,
Lord You are worthy to be praised, so shall I be saved